work rant

Jan. 8th, 2012 01:00 pm
nomen_penna: (Default)
[personal profile] nomen_penna
I need to express my anger and frustration in the hopes of it helping me manage them, and to feel better. Not sure if it will work though.

My job is driving me nuts. Or more accurately the people I work with.

I'm being held back by other people, from doing my job because they don't understand what I do/should do. Somehow they have decided that I'm not needed and that my opinions and contributions are not necessary and even wrong.
I am supposed to be ensuring inter-department communication and cooperation, but instead I am being left out of everything. No e-mails, no meetings, no updates of any kind.
I'm basically not allowed to do my job.

The most frustrating thing is that I know I am needed because this project needs organization and coherency.

It boils down to prestige, I think.
The people involved are uneducated, "hands on" kind of people, who are used to fixing problems as they arise, putting out fires, winging it, and that kind of behavior doesn't work long term in a corporate setting.
I guess I should blame management for not realizing that uneducated people can't work in this way without at least some training.

I don't mean that they're stupid (though... lets face it. most of them are) I'm talking about a type of approach to work, planning, organization, communication and documentation you get when you've gone to university and had to work on projects and papers in that type of setting.

My biggest problem is Helen though. It's personal. I just can't stand her.
She's rash, unstable, disorganized, and much much more.
She can't stand being wrong, she can't stand not being in charge (she's not btw. she's not the boss), can't handle confrontation, plays favorites, can't plan, can't organize, can't follow through on anything.
But she can talk. She's so fucking good at talking, but that's it. She'll all talk. No action.
In fact she just talks and talks and talks, which distracts people from the fact that she doesn't know what she's talking about, never can follow through on anything. She always "delegates" things she doesn't like even if she really should be doing it herself.

 I know she's going through hard private times, but I find it really hard to find sympathy for her, because she brought this on herself
 I learned quite early that Helen can't handle confrontation. And she can't handle being wrong. And when she's confronted with doing wrong, she overreacts A LOT.

Seriously, Helen decided to go to PH for three weeks for work, leaving her husband and kids. And I have nothing against that. But then she decided to stay and extra week without letting her husband have a say, which isn't bright.
But.... here's the thing. I know Helen spent an overwhelming (and quite frankly unprofessional) amount of time drunk in PH
she was partying non stop, and posting about it on facebook. bragging about it to her friends and even her husband that she was super popular in PH and everybody loved partying with her.
 And when she comes home, her husband is pissed.

Guess what, if my husband had acted the way Helen did? I would have been pretty fucking pissed when he came home too. But Helen? Helen knows she's acted badly, and because she has problems with confrontation and being wrong, instead of dealing with it. talking to him, working things out. she decides that he's mean and unreasonable and divorces him. all to try to prove to herself that she was right
and now she refuses to be in the same room with him. They have two little kids and she's a textbook case of handling it wrong. the kids get all the crap. they have to listen to her talk about their dad.

After she came back, and they were fighting all the time, and Tim left for england, she started getting calls from school that her son wasn't there, or that he was sick and needed to go home. And she actually told all the people around her (we heard her talke those calls several times a day) that her son just had a stomach bug or  cold. Which is just..... woman, you're the one making him sick.

Tim is a normal person who got angry over his spouce acting badly and Helen always overreacts to everything.
I feel bad for the kids, I feel bad for Tim, but I can't feel bad for Helen, because she did this herself. And it's just a bigger version of everything she's done before.

I hope Tim fights for his kids. I think they'd be way better off with him.

Helen's life is going to crash down if she doesn't get help and she's not going to do that.

She has ADHD, you know that?
We talked about it about a year ago, when I was just starting my little journey.
And she told me that she knew she had it, but that she didn't consider there to be anything wrong with her so she resented that people wanted to "fix" her and then got mad at me for wanting help with my problem.
Thing is, after everything I've learned about this diagnosis during this past year, I can tell you that she not only has it, but a very very bad debilitating version of it.
She really does need the help.
She can't sit still, she can't organize her work or life, she can't follow through on anything. and now she's going to juggle being a single mom and a full time job.

It will not work. She will ether do what most people with her untreated diagnosis do and become an alcoholic/drug addict, or she'll have a complete emotional breakdown,

My desk is right outside her favorite meeting room, and so I see her go in and out of it a lot. and you know what I often see? I see her leave her meetings. All the time. She can step out of the room 3-4 times in an hour on a really bad day.

And I also see what she does when she leaves.
She wanders over to the coffee and gets a cup, checks her e-mails on her phone, talks to someone about things that really could wait until after the meeting (like, hi how are you), and then wanders back. I see her do a little double take (like, oh, right I had a meeting in there) and go back into the meeting room as if nothing happend.
You know how often the others do that?
I've seen Elisabet do it twice, and both times were to go get someone from LS to join the meeting.

When I was being investigated, one question that kept coming up was "do you often leave meetings and other situations where you are supposed to remain seated?"

I have my diagnosis, and I know I'm pretty bad, but still manageble. I can hide it, and I can use it, but I also know it will make having a family and full time job harder for me unless I have a supportive husband and family.
Helen is a lot worse then me and has neither

I'm sorry, I just keep circling around. But I know that she knows she has this problem, and I feel that she's taking it out on her kids.
if she didn't have them, I wouldn't be so angry
but they're only little. they have no defense

I really needed to rant about her, I guess. Next time I'll rant more about work, than a specific person, though it is Helen that's keeping me from doing my job.


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